Better Than Fine, I Promise

It's not terrible, it's just a lot.

Jul 12, 2024

Do you know about the BGSD list?

It stands for Bitches Get Shit Done and it started… gosh… a long time ago now. It used to be a text list where I would send out near-daily productivity prompts—just little “are you working or are you distracted?” messages. The list had a shadow life on Twitter where folks could interact with each other and it developed its own jargon there. Members became “BB Sharks” or “Glow Sharks” and I starting signing off as “Yr Shark Mom.”

During the Trump administration and continuing on through the pandemic, the list moved over to Community.com and morphed into more of an occasional “self-care/hey I love you, maybe drink some water” thing. I left Twitter and nearly abandoned BGSD, sending messages way less frequently.

One reason was that the Community.com service is poorly named. There is no actual community there. I can text BBs and they can text me, but they can’t see or interact with each other. It’s terrific for getting information out, but it’s not really community the way I’ve experienced online community before — first on forums, then Tumblr, then Twitter… before Twitter took its heel turn. (I typo’d “heel turn” as “hell turn” and almost left it, it’s so good.)

There was also the fact that I just didn’t know what to say. The messages I sent to #BGSD were usually the words I needed to hear. Self-talk made public. In the face of the last few years, my inner voice has strapped in and shut up.

There’s an inverse law in fiction writing (where one is already playing with opposites: telling truths by telling lies), the more narrow and specific you are, the bigger and broader the audience who will recognize and identify with your Truth.

That law applied to the BGSD messages for the longest time. But lately the tenor of the replies has changed. They suggest my messages sound less like supportive reminders and more like cries for help—an inquiry about my cardio-pulmonary health, a shark meditation video and a CIA Analyst’s Tips for Coping with Disturbing News, for example.

If you sent one of the above, please know I’m not complaining or trying to embarrass you. That you reached out with human compassion is something to celebrate and I feel blessed. Your messages are sweet and funny and I mean, you’re not wrong—it’s just got me wondering if I’m misusing the platform. It’s true, I am stressed. I’m inarguably spinning too many plates and I’ve dropped or nearly-dropped more than a few. But my life is good. I’m incredibly lucky. Immeasurably so. As a person, a semi-public figure and a parent, I want to normalize vulnerability, not being perfectly comfortable and on top of everything all the time—struggling through and sometimes just grinding it out—but in attempting to do so, I never meant to worry anyone.

I wonder if the medium of texting—the messenger of Community.com—is not contributing to framing those messages as dire. I suspect the answer is related to the reason that scammers use texts so often—intimacy and immediacy are powerful and therefore easy to abuse.

I’ve lost the thread and I’m just sort of thinking in your direction now, so let me see if I can bring this back around to the Professional Writers’ Newsletter aspect and wrap it up somehow.

As mentioned previously, I’ve got a new creator-owned book comic coming out later this year and two others that I hope to return to market soon, so I’ve been giving a lot of thought to things like my online presence, my “brand” (god help me), the ethics of marketing and how best to use my time. In the same way that the BGSD list messages are usually what I need to hear and the books I make are the books I want to read, I’m thinking about marketing strategies in terms of what appeals to me. Here’s where my thinking is at right now:

Online Presence. It’s too fragmented. Before Musk and the pre-Musk Musks came in and shat the place up, Twitter was a central hub from which you could direct or be direct to your interests. Post-Twitter, I haven’t found an online “home base.” Solution may be to build one.

Brand. Save that I need to be mindful of the difference between “normalizing the struggle” and portraying oneself as in need of LifeFlight (I’m being overly-dramatic here, but you know what I mean), I get a headache if I think about this too much. In terms of branding my work, I suffer a bit from mirror blindness. Like most writers I know, I tend to think of my books as all wildly different from one another. And because of the collaborative nature of comics, there is some truth to that. But there’s probably something unifying that I can’t see. (If I could, what would I even do with that information?)

Ethics of Marketing. Nobody I know likes capitalism, yet HERE WE ARE. We’ve got kids to put through school on one end and eldercare on the other and we’re in this whole writing thing too deep for a midlife career change, so Books! Gotsta! Be! Sold! No way around it. That said, I want to be mindful of the power of tools like text lists. I’ve gotten joy out of many a parasocial relationship in my life (I frequently catch myself thinking about various podcasters I’ve never met as friends), and I’ve become IRL friends with many of my own readers, but there’s a version of marketing in the modern age that’s offering books for sale to a self-selected community united by shared tastes and interests, and there’s a version that’s leveraging faux-intimacy.

How Best To Use My Time/What Appeals To Me. I’m a slow writer at the best of times, I’ve got a day job developing two TV shows, I’m a mom, a wife and a daughter, and I’ve had more only-child-w/eldercare-responsibilities-related family emergencies in the last two years than I’ve had either the time or the spoons for. At some point, I’ve got to actually write the books I’m hoping to market, so I can’t responsibly throw myself into a DO EVERYTHING marketing plan the way my hyper-focus-driven self would like. Pick a pitch and swing, kid.

This draft is comically long now and I’ve got to go walk Dad’s dogs, so I’ll have to get into the specifics of the plan that’s risen from that thinking next time, but for now I’ll say that as much as I’m given to over-thinking everything, and as fried as I may appear, I’m actually really excited about everything I’m working on right now. Like, more jazzed than I’ve been in years.

I want to tell you about everything but dogs gotta be walked so let’s consider this an abnormally-long preface for next week’s newsletter where we’ll talk about the joy of discovery and how even grown ups need to play, okay? Okay.

Kelly Sue aka Yr Shark Mom

PS One more thing: if you solved the puzzle and found the url, check back in every day or so. The game has started.

A Few Things to Call to Your Attention

Books with Pictures PDX is hosting Lilah Sturges this Saturday! (They also put the FML puzzle in their July 4th newsletter—with this:

Before I go: There are a few new comics series that I’m exceptionally excited about for fall. One is The Power Fantasy, from Kieron Gillen and Caspar Wijngaard, coming next month (preorder now!) Another is a still-unannounced creator-owned title from Kelly Sue DeConnick that feels like it was made just precisely for me. I can’t tell you all about it yet, but she did send me this clue to share. It’s a word search, and there’s a hint: pay attention to the negative space.

This is a member’s only thing, but if you’re a Bujo Community member, the book club choice this quarter is Indistractable by Nir Eyal.
GAMEMASTERS: The Comic Book History of Roleplaying Games.
I hate that this is happening to teachers but I’m glad there’s a book about it.
How is this not bigger news?
Uncanny Magazine is kickstarting its 11th year! I’ll be contributing a an essay later this year. (Their patreon is a BARGAIN.)
Rolling Stone did a piece on Steve Ditko.
Oliver Sava is back!
I told myself I’d start holiday shopping in July this year so that December wouldn’t be such a nightmare. I haven’t yet. But I do mean to! Anyway, I’m bookmarking this Mighty Marvel Fitness Deck by Robyn Warren of Geek Girl Strong for a few folks. I just adore Robyn and this is such a fun idea. Publisher’s Weekly had this to say:

In fall 2024, Chronicle will publish the Marvel Fitness Deck: Be the Hero of Your Exercise Adventure, which was inspired by Stan Lee Presents the Mighty Marvel Strength and Fitness Book, published by Marvel Fireside in 1976. That long-ago title was a humorous take on exercise and was of its era, with the Invisible Woman giving diet tips, for example. The new and modernized 50-card deck is by Robyn Warren, founder of Geek Girl Strong, who specializes in wellness programs for pop culture fans, held virtually as well as live at Comic Cons. The exercises are illustrated with graphics of superheroes doing sit-ups, jumping jacks, and other moves.
“There are different applications depending on interest, aptitude, and ability,” Mockus said, noting that this accessibility makes the title perfect for families to enjoy together. He added that parents tend to share their Marvel fandom with their children and pointed out that all of the titles are appropriate for all ages, to different degrees. “They’re on the adult list,” he said. “But that’s to give adult fans permission to like them.”

Why Don’t You…

Diana Vreeland helmed BAZAAR for 25 years, during which she very famously had a column called Why Don't You...

We miss the big weirdo fabulist that Diana was, so we are picking up the torch.

Why don’t you…

Go for a walk without your phone?
Ask your local comic shop to recommend a comic you’ve never heard of?
Write a message in a book and leave it on a bench somewhere?
Paint a secret self-portrait on the underside of a chair? Don’t tell anyone. (Except us.)
Wear leopard? No, like an ACTUAL leopard. Make sure it’s good and sleepy first, though.
Start learning sign language?
Put on a bald cap — one of the really good ones — and make sure you’re still hot without hair? (You are, but it’s good to double-check)
Write a poem?
Read a poem?
Memorize a poem?
Use one of those stickers you’ve been saving? Just put it on something, c’mon. You’re acting like Nana and the good china at this point. IT’S A STICKER. Jesus.
Ask your mom to recommend a movie? Watch it with her. If your mom is not available, another mom will do.
Do one of the above and tell us about it? We’ll publish any that make us laugh in the next newsletter.

Why Don’t—OH NO YOU DID!

As promised — we heard from several folks, including Karen B. who was already contemplating getting into Geocaching before we brought it up (THIS IS YOUR SIGN, KAREN B.) — but this week’s winner is Brian Schirmer, who writes

While I didn’t buy gnome figurines in bulk, you did inspire me to do something with all the tiny Cthulhus I bought over a decade ago. These are scattered about Melrose in LA. More will join their ranks.

Chef’s Kiss, Schirmer! Well done.